Natural and Normal Grief Responses
Until we have experienced a major loss of our own, we probably have no idea how it actually feels to grieve. But anyone who is currently grieving knows that a number of unfamiliar conditions seem to beset them. Learning what the grief process may require of us physically, mentally and emotionally can be a very healthy step to take.

Here are some of the more common responses which you may encounter now and for the coming months:

• Feeling emotionally numb
• Having difficulty believing that the death has really happened
• Feeling tightness in the throat or heaviness in the chest or in the of the stomach
• Having a loss of appetite or a desire to eat more than usual
• Having a desire to smoke, drink or use drugs (especially tranquilizers) in a greater amount than before
• Feeling restless and looking for activity and finding it difficult to concentrate and complete tasks
• Having difficulty sleeping, waking early and often dreaming of your loved one
• Feeling exhausted and lacking in energy
• Feeling low at times of birthdays, holidays and special occasions
• Spending money on things usually not purchased
• Feeling preoccupied with financial concerns
• Telling and retelling things about your loved one and the experience of his or her death
• Talking things over with the deceased person
• Feeling mood changes over the slightest things; crying unexpectedly
• Feeling guilty for what was said or not said or for not having done enough for your loved one
• Being angry or irritated at the wrong person or the circumstance or at the world
• Feeling angry at your loved one for leaving you
• Having difficulty making decisions on your own
• Sensing your loved one's presence, believing you hear his/her voice or expecting him or her to come back
• Experiencing an intense preoccupation with the life of the deceased
• Assuming mannerisms or traits of your loved one
• Feeling as though life doesn't have any meaning
• Feeling self-pity and not feeling needed

Now is the Time to be Good to Yourself
This is a time that your needs must be considered first. For all the reasons listed here, this is the time to take the best possible care of yourself. Try to refrain from sublimating how you feel in order to defer to others. It is common to see people who are grieving intensely, holding back their own pain while trying to comfort all their friends and relatives. Their needs can be met in a more healing way by expressing themselves honestly. This might include talking out their grief with others, accepting help that is offered rather than trying to do everything they did before, taking some time out to explore feelings, attending a group, resting more and working toward bringing order to their physical environment.

Try to Regain Order in Your Life
Grief makes us feel out of control. It helps to begin in small ways to bring order out of the chaos we feel. Cleaning out a desk, organizing a closet, getting files in order or painting a room are some ways to feel productive. Each time we accomplish even the smallest task we begin to regain a sense of our innate ability to control some part of our existence again.

Take Care of Yourself
During the worst of time, when you don't care much about living, taking good care of yourself can be an enormous challenge. Try to observe good basis health requirements during your bereavement. Exercise regularly, pay attention to eating healthy foods in the proper proportions and at regular intervals, drink lots of water, get plenty of rest and learn some stress-relieving exercises. These may sound like simple steps to take, and yet even under optimal circumstances, not all of us adhere to all of them all of the time. Begin by promising yourself to eat properly for just one day.

Even if you haven't been exercising, you can start now by taking a walk whenever you begin to feel overwhelmed. Short bursts of physical exercise are very effective stress-relievers.

At first it may be hard to get to sleep because so many thoughts are flooding your mind. However, it is a good idea to try to maintain time frames for resting that are very similar to the ones you had established before your loss. Much of the insomnia and loss of appetite we experience has been created by confusing the natural rhythms our bodies are used to. If you went to bed at 11:00, do the same now, even if you cannot sleep. Stay in bed for the same hours as before and relax as much as you can. Your body will receive some substantial benefits from this restful time, even if sleep does not come, and will respond in time to this method of retraining. This requires patience and a willingness on your part to work with your body instead of resisting it.

Find Ways to Relax
Another way to help yourself is to use relaxation methods. Read books on stress-relief to find out more about these techniques, or ask a counselor to provide personal training sessions. Even when the motivation for taking care of yourself isn't there, the strength you can receive by maintaining good health practices will serve you well by keeping the complexity of your grief processing within manageable bounds.

Make Your List
If you are the person grieving, make a list of your own complaints right now. Check the items that are most troublesome for you at the present time. If you prioritize them, the list will not seem so overwhelming. Begin to work on each condition, one at a time. Give yourself plenty of credit for every effort you make. Be patient and know that every process, even grieving, has an ending. Even though your life cannot be the same, it has the same potential to be good again. In this case, recovery will be found when you reach a new level of adaptation. An ending to the symptoms of grief will be displaced with the beginning of a new phase of your life.